Beauty Is In The Eye of the Beholder

As the saying goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, or, it’s not what it looks like on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts!

Our personal tastes and subjective thoughts (and biases) impact the watches we like to own and wear. Since watches come in all shapes, sizes, colours and materials, we are spoiled for choice – one person’s gaudy watch is another person’s grail timepiece!

When people think gaudy, they may think of huge chunky watches with extravagant colouring and/or extremely busy dials. One watch that fits the bill is the G-Shock range of watches from Casio. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my humongous Master of G Rangeman, but I am mindful that these watches aren’t for all and I understand how they can be viewed as being gaudy. Another timepiece that comes to mind that is both gaudy and extremely expensive are the Richard Mille RM series watches – there’s no accounting for taste 😉

Putting the G-Shock and Richard Mille watches to the side, here are a few timepieces that will make you either wince at their gaudiness or make you hunt them down to add them to your collection!

HEUER Executive (model: 114.306)

The pre-TAG days were sometimes like the wild west with anything goes! The HEUER Executive automatic chronograph 40mm watch with a black dial and gold tones screams gaudy with its oversized gold bezel and gold everywhere, with a touch of black to contrast the precious metal. Even though it is 40mm, the dial/case seems oversized and unbalanced. Come to think of it, it is starting to grow on me.

AZIMUTH Chrono Gauge BMF

I wouldn’t blame you if you thought the Azimuth Chrono Gauge Mecha 1 BMF (reference: AM1CGWSR 093-07CGM-1) was straight out of the Richard Mille design shop, but alas, it’s gaudiness doesn’t reach the RM heights.

According to Azimuth (based in Switzerland),

“Time is captured and recorded according to the universe’s modus operandi, and presented to you in the most unconventional and visually-arresting of ways”

Yep, they certainly achieved that! If you think this one is gaudy, you should check out their Gran Turismo, Crazy Rider and Twin Turbo range – they take gaudy to another level.

SEIKO Kinetic Sportura (ref: SLQ021J1)

Not to be outdone by the likes of Heuer, Azimuth, Richard Mille, Seiko have their own entrant to the gaudy party, their Kinetic Sportura SLQ021J1. There is also the rectangular Kinetic Sportura (ref: 7L22-0AD0/SNL015), but I actually like that one.

I would need to wear my binoculars to tell the time if I were to wear this watch.

JACOB & Co. Global Five Time Zone JC-GL1-26

If I needed binoculars to check the time on the Seiko, then I would have to contact NASA to use the Hubble telescope and point it towards the gaudiest watch in this list, the JACOB & Co. Global Five Time Zone JC-GL1-26.

There are lots of dials and pushers (if that’s your thing), and the use of black and red just makes the gaudiness zing!

CVSTOS Evo Square 45

OK, the titanium and tungsten automatic Evo Square 45 by Cvstos may not be as gaudy as the Jacob & Co. entrant, but try and tell the time at a quick glimpse – everything blends into a skeletal mess. But just like the Heuer above, this one is also growing on me.

GRAHAM Chronofighter Oversize GMT

I must admit, I was tossing up between the Edox, TW Steel (any of them!) and this aptly named oversized Graham GMT watch. I mean it’s not overly gaudy if you focus on the dial, but as soon as your eyes dart to the left, you are met with a grenade style crown protector and a stopwatch like pusher at 10 o’clock which would absolutely make a mess of your arm/wrist – depending on which arm you wear it on!

This gaudy horology article wouldn’t be complete without an honourable mention from one of the timepieces I have in my collection that is polarizing, the Citizen Satellite Wave GPS CC7005-16G. For the record, I love it – you can read the review of it over here.